I've been debating whether or not to let my supervisor know I'm going through fertility treatment. Back when my husband and I were young and naïve thinking this will work the first or second cycle, it didn't seem necessary to let anyone at work know.
The first egg retrieval was on a Sunday so I only took off the Monday after. The second time, egg retrieval was on a Friday of a holiday weekend and we both had off work. It was only for IVF #3 that I had to take Friday off work for the first time. Monitoring appointments sometimes make me a little late, but nothing too obvious that I can't cover. My job is flexible enough that as long as I do my work and attend relevant meetings, no one is watching my hours too carefully. So it was never an issue.
I haven't said anything until now not because I think that it will be an issue. It's the opposite. I think they will be super supportive and incredibly accommodating, without question. I think I've decided to keep it to myself because it's a distinct separation of my life. At least this part of my life is unchanged. The routine, the schedule, the people - it's comfortable to know that my work life is still part of the "old" me, pre-treatment. It helped ground me when things got tough with medical treatment. Beside that, I don't want coworkers to think they can't talk about their kids or their family lives. I don't want them to look at me with pity or walk on eggshells
So why now? I'm not sure. We're contemplating a fourth IVF cycle and it feels like treatment has basically taken over my life. It's stressful to have to run out every time the clinic calls. It's annoying to cover up late mornings. It's difficult to have a straight face in meetings when I've just received bad news and all I want to do is cry. I don't want to seem like a flake for missing work, even if it's sporadic. It's hard to lie about a stomach virus to take a sick day for egg retrieval and then bounce back while in reality I feel I need to take it easy for a few days.
There are pros and cons to both sides. I'm still undecided.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Labels
#
(1)
#chroniclesofacoworker
(1)
#enjoythewait
(2)
#microblogmondays
(7)
#oneatatime
(2)
10lbs plan
(16)
2016
(1)
2017
(4)
2018
(1)
2ww
(17)
AC
(2)
acupuncture
(2)
adult
(1)
all or nothing
(3)
Amazon
(1)
anxiety
(28)
appointment
(1)
baby names
(1)
back pain
(2)
badass
(1)
baseline
(3)
beach
(1)
bedroom
(2)
benefits
(1)
beta
(7)
biopsy
(5)
birthday
(8)
blessed
(1)
blogs
(4)
blood pressure
(3)
bloodwork
(33)
book club
(1)
bugs
(1)
busy
(2)
cardiologist
(2)
career
(8)
carpe diem
(3)
CD138
(5)
challenge
(2)
changes
(2)
chemical pregnancy
(7)
control
(2)
cost
(2)
coverage
(2)
cramps
(6)
crime
(1)
crown
(6)
D&C
(3)
diet
(22)
dream
(2)
egg retrieval
(12)
embryos
(27)
EMMA
(4)
endo scratch
(5)
endocrinologist
(8)
endometritis
(1)
ENT
(1)
ERA
(31)
ERA II
(6)
eyes
(4)
Facebook
(5)
fear of failure
(4)
FET #3
(22)
FET #4
(26)
FET #5
(27)
FET #6
(19)
FET #7
(1)
FET prep
(42)
fitness
(1)
food
(4)
friends
(2)
furniture
(4)
Game of Thrones
(1)
gassy
(2)
glucose/insulin
(2)
goals
(8)
guests
(2)
gym
(3)
halacha
(5)
healthy menu
(4)
heart
(2)
hobbies
(4)
holiday
(3)
home
(1)
home decor
(11)
hopeful
(13)
HPT
(7)
HSG
(2)
Hurricane Matthew
(1)
hysteroscopy
(10)
imwithher
(1)
incident
(1)
insulin
(1)
insurance
(12)
interview
(2)
island
(2)
Israel
(3)
IVF #3
(13)
IVF #4
(14)
IVF #5
(24)
IVF #6
(17)
IVF #7
(15)
IVF #8
(13)
IVF tips
(3)
IVF treatment
(42)
job
(3)
journey
(2)
Judaism
(1)
juggling
(1)
lining
(2)
loss
(2)
lucky
(1)
mail fraud
(2)
mattress
(2)
medication
(3)
membership
(1)
mental health
(1)
MitoScore
(1)
mole
(2)
money
(2)
moody
(2)
natural cycle
(1)
nesting
(1)
new york
(2)
non-IVF
(6)
November 2016
(2)
numb
(2)
olympics
(2)
p'ru urvu
(1)
pain
(3)
passion project
(1)
passover
(11)
path
(2)
patience
(4)
perspective
(3)
pesach
(19)
PGD
(14)
phase
(1)
PIO
(9)
plan
(2)
pop
(2)
pottery
(4)
prayer
(1)
pregnant
(15)
pupo
(20)
purim
(3)
reconstruction
(4)
remodeling
(3)
research
(1)
resolutions
(2)
responsibility
(1)
results
(21)
road map
(2)
roof
(1)
root canal
(2)
Rosh Hashana
(4)
RPL
(8)
sac
(1)
sad
(6)
Shabbat
(5)
sharing news
(1)
shavuot
(4)
shots
(1)
snow
(1)
social media
(2)
social media cringe
(2)
special
(1)
specialist
(3)
spending
(1)
spring
(1)
stain test
(3)
staycation
(1)
stress
(1)
sukkot
(2)
summer
(4)
support
(5)
surgery
(1)
Survivor
(3)
symptoms
(40)
Tdap
(1)
terrific trio
(1)
testing
(3)
Thankful
(3)
therapy
(4)
thinner in 30
(1)
thoughtless
(1)
thoughts
(22)
thyroid
(6)
timeline
(5)
tips
(1)
trigger
(2)
trip
(13)
TTC
(3)
TV
(4)
ultrasound
(20)
update
(8)
upgrade
(1)
vacation
(12)
varicocele
(2)
vegging
(3)
waiting
(26)
warm feet
(1)
Wegmans
(2)
willpower
(3)
wishlist
(1)
work
(9)
work politics
(3)
workout
(3)
worry
(13)
yoatzot
(1)
zika
(5)
It's an interesting question. For me, I like to keep my "work box" separate from this "baby box" so, aside from my first loss, my superiors and direct reports have had no idea what's been happening. I actually think of work as my "distraction" from it all, and I feel like I am actually succeeding and doing really well at work so I don't want to taint that with my troubles and disappointments in baby making. That's just me though and everyone is different. I'm certain my boss would be supportive and accommodating, no question, but I just don't want to talk about it there.
ReplyDeleteThat's basically how I'm thinking of it. The pros of letting them know don't outweigh the cons of muddling the lines between the personal and professional boxes. I work in non-profit and everything is so family oriented - it would be impossible for them not to walk on eggshells if they knew and I think that would just make it so awkward for everyone involved.
Delete