Removing the stigma

One of my favorite reporters announced that she and her husband are expecting a baby girl in June with the help of a surrogate. I watched her story this morning and, as I was wrangling my own miracle from trying to head-dive off the bed, I teared up listening to her talk. I'm so, so happy for her. 

Here's this successful, strong woman who likely has the means to afford whatever treatment it would have taken. Through absolutely no fault of her own, it wasn't meant to be for her to carry her own baby. It's hard not to feel like a failure even when it's completely beyond your control. How could your own body betray something your mind and heart want so badly with every fiber of your being? It's not logical because no one blames themselves for needing glasses or having IBS... it's just how your body is made.

I remember when she got married, then some years passed, and thought that maybe she just doesn't want kids. Then felt guilty for even contemplating it - it's so not my business. I remember when Dylan Dryer went through secondary infertility and the show did a whole big story on it to raise awareness (and ratings). She was about to start IVF and the doctors told her not to take the medication because she was already pregnant. I was proud of her for sharing her story. So many people suffer in silence, myself included. It's intensely personal but such an enormous emotional burden to bear. Part of me was ashamed I couldn't do what I felt was my birthright as a woman. Even though I wanted understanding and support, I didn't want pity and I didn't want "helpful" comments. I was also incredibly superstitious and felt like talking about anything might jinx it. 

While she was telling her story, they showed B-roll footage of live shots she squeezed in between doctor's appointments, and getting bad news right before going into a big day.  Women are expected to go through hell and still put on a professional and friendly face. I felt that. It brought me right back. She talked about all the tears that were shed and I felt that also. I remember getting bad news in the car on the way to a seminar, and had to wipe the tears, fix my make up, switch gears, and walk into a room full of people to participate in a workshop. 

Until I reached out, I was not in a place to accept emotional support. It took two failed IVFs and two failed FETs before I even started this blog. I've become more vocal about it and when I'm asked for advice, I make the time to share advice from my experience. We need to be there for each other. Even if you're not ready to accept my support yet, I'll be there to listen and hold your hand when you are.

When Kristen Welker and her husband shared their story, I was happy to hear her news. No strings, just happiness. When someone shares their story, I'm so proud of them. Their courage brings awareness which can help end the stigma. I'm so grateful to them for doing what I couldn't.