Maybe ok

My mood has improved significantly with the weather. (It might not be just the weather - it could be less of the orange politician in the news, or that there grownups now in charge? Maybe. Let's just assume weather for now.) There have been several stormy days but they've been interspersed among gorgeous spring days so it's been fine. We're able to go outdoors more often. Walking more often. Getting fresh air and everyone moving more makes such a difference. I got a fitness tracker watch (one of several birthday presents I gifted myself) to see how many steps I take. I don't know if it's off or what but it's close to 17,000 a day sometimes. I know chasing a toddler is exhausting but this has to be wrong, right? 

I had off work for Pesach so tried to make the most of it, especially when the weather was nice. Eased up restrictions a bit and took him to outdoor playgrounds when there were no other kids there, we visited some horses and chickens, we took walks looking for puppies (we have a lot of dog owners in our neighborhood) and just enjoyed each others company. On the last day of the holiday he spiked a fever and was extremely crabby and lethargic, refusing food and drink. It was alarming enough that I called the ped on call and was told that if he doesn't settle within 45 min of crying to take him to urgent care or ER. Thankfully he calmed down after 35 min and became himself enough to eat. After some motrin and a full night's sleep he seemed to be himself except for a slight runny nose, dry cough, and some loose stool. I got him covid tested  - and myself in solidarity bc it's a yucky test -just for peace of mind and we both got negative results. So I guess it's a cold? How did he get a cold? After being in a protective bubble all year we were caught completely off guard at the first sign of a fever, made all the more terrifying during a world pandemic. 

I'm mentally exhausted by trying to keep it together when things are still so not yet normal. I feel like I'm allowed to believe things can be ok now that vaccines are more available. There is still the fear of all the things we don't know, especially for those who can't yet get vaccinated. I know this isn't going away so soon and we need to learn to live with it, but it's hard to turn off the anxiety that's been simmering for the past 13 months. 

With my better mood comes hope for new things. I'm ready for the conversation of looking ahead to another FET. I'm interested in new opportunities and saying YES to things I may not have before all this. I want to try and explore new experiences. I've always been introverted and content in my small social circle but this pandemic has awakened a need to do new things, like socially interact with other people.