Sukkot

The first days of Sukkot were tough. Our sleepover guests were exhausting and demanded all of our time and energy. I wrote up a whole post of what was difficult about their stay, but even in an anonymous post on an a supposedly nameless blog, it's still the internet where everything is public and permanent. Suffice it to say it was a lot of work and most of it felt unappreciated.

I used shul as an escape, which kind of backfired because that's where all the ladies with pregnancy bellies hang out (apparently) with their beautiful cute little families. There were triggers everywhere.

Over the holiday I received an email from my nurse that she's moving to a new position. This was our third nurse. Even our nurses get to move on from this hellish journey. I'll be assigned to a new nurse once we let them know we're off our break and decide what we want to do next.

We still don't know what we want to do.  We've been enjoying just being a normal married couple, talking about other things. There are a few days we took off at the end of October to take a quick getaway but we're still undecided about where to go. Florida is our first choice but it's still unclear if they're completely zika-free. We also got the Israel-trip-bug again and we want to see if we can try to make a trip work for 2018. On one hand we want to give treatment the best chance possible and really believe it's priority. On the other hand it's an expensive trip and we're sick of the merry-go-round. I don't want to postpone any treatments because I feel my age ticking but I also don't want to feel like I let life slip by while waiting for results.

I know I'm not the best version of myself these days. I feel drained and exhausted. I feel like I'm surviving, not thriving. Just taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time. I want to make changes to help make things better. Maybe it is worth spending the money on an expensive trip to get change of scenery and a fresh outlook on life.