Day 12

Ugh. Just ugh.


Went back for bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. There was no snow like they predicted, but it was raining which somehow translated into terrible traffic. The traffic caused me to be 15 min late to my appointment which bumped me to the back of the line. It took over an hour to get out of there, including 3 sticks to get blood. I was over an hour late to work.


As it stands now my nurse estimates trigger on Thursday, putting the egg retrieval on Saturday. We would prefer not to do a retrieval on Saturday and even though I know that they can't control it, I figured I'd ask anyway. She assured me that they will avoid Saturday as long as it doesn't jeopardize the cycle which is what I wanted to hear.


According to halacha it's preferable to avoid having this procedure done on Shabbat, but when we spoke to the rabbi he said that if it's unavoidable then it's permissible to have it done assuming we ourselves don't purposely break Shabbat.  That means no driving to/from the clinic so it helps that there's a hotel within walking distance. 


There's still a chance trigger might be tomorrow night or even Friday night, putting the retrieval on Friday or Sunday. I ran out of meds after today's dosage so I placed another order so I have enough for another 4 days, just in case.


The Cetrotide bruises and the Menopur burns. I'm anxious about forgetting a shot or an appointment so it's always on my mind. I'm bloated from the meds and I constantly have to pee because I'm trying to stay hydrated for the bloodwork. I'm exhausted and distracted, and can't stop the negative what if's rolling around my head on a mental hamster wheel.  Even with all that, I feel that I have no right to complain, especially when others are suffering so much, like dealing with a devastating setback or remembering a heartbreaking anniversary. What are my complaints in comparison? I don't even know these women and my heart aches for their pain.


Does it suck to have to go through this whole process? Sure. But if I have to go through it, I'd rather try to stay hopeful, keep an upbeat attitude, and focus on the positive. I'm lucky the clinic is close enough that I can make it every morning and still get to work reasonably on time. I'm lucky that the medication is easily accessible and gets delivered to my door. I feel lucky and grateful that we have access to this care and can afford it.