Still here

Not loving the "you're still here...!" comments from people at work. Yes, I'm still working because we live in a country with no family leave and any time I take off before birth will be shaved off my maternity leave. So every morning I haul my huge, stiff self out of bed to get dressed and get to the office. It's not so bad, but I'm caught up and checked out. So I'm taking a few minutes to write my thoughts and update the registry.

We gave our toddler the book I made explaining what's happening. He likes for us to read it to him a few times in a row. He definitely knows something is up and it was the right call to give it early. He's been very clingy to me lately. Bedtime the other night was difficult because he kept wanting me to come in to fix whatever, and had a meltdown whenever my husband went in. The next night my husband did bedtime and it went much smoother. 

Today we got a call from school that he got bumped on the head and we should watch out for concussion symptoms. I never enjoy the calls from the nurse's office but usually it has to do with another child scratching or a scraped knee. Head injury sounds scary and not something I ever want to deal with, let alone with this great timing. I called the ped, mainly because I'm a type-A-helicopter parent but also for reassurance to help keep me from panicking, and was told to watch him for 24 hours for signs of vomiting or lethargy. I just want to bubble wrap him and keep him safe.

I've been very emotional. Thinking through plans for the coming week, where we have to drop our son off with whoever will care for him while I'm in the hospital makes me instantly tear up. We've never been apart overnight, let alone several nights. I know that I need to hold it together when we drop him off so as not to alarm him. I also know, logically, that he'll be totally fine, and possibly not even remember this. I might also be channeling my anxiety about everything coming up toward this particular worry - hoping everyone is safe and healthy and that everything goes smoothly with an easy recovery. 

We're having a hard time with names. I think the anxiety of not having that finalized is also weighing on me. We had a hard time choosing the toddler's name but once we settled on it we thought it's the greatest name in the world, patted ourselves on the back, and still believe we'll never be able to match or top it. 

Similar symptoms this pregnancy included lack of sleep toward the end (I'm up about 2 hrs every night regardless of what time I go to bed), extras in my nose, emotional, and more anxious. Different this time is how I'm carrying. I feel bigger even though I didn't gain as much (27 lbs last time; 17 lbs this time). Despite the weight gain and carrying big, I think I carry very well and look great for being this far along. My body frame spreads it out and everything is tight and curvy - I take no credit for any of this, it's entirely genetics. As soon as baby is out I'll transition into the deflated balloon look and then need to work hard to get back into some sort of shape. For the time being, enjoying whatever this is going on. I've never had body image issues, and hope I don't start now, but I do hope to be able to commit to some sort of routine because I want to do what I can to be strong and healthy. It all depends on priorities.

I'm in the bathroom constantly this time whereas last time I don't remember it being so bad. Sometimes I'll be sitting in bed, finally comfortable, and baby will move on my bladder making me think it's urgent. When I get to the bathroom there's nothing (mainly because I had just gone) because it's just baby moving around and using my bladder as a trampoline. I also don't remember being this stiff. If I don't move around it's harder to get up. 

I'm not as irritated this time around, but I think that has a lot to do with the weather. Last time I was huge during the height of summer and this time it's been a very mild and chilly spring so I'm not sweating all the time. Could also be because I'm more tired after running around the toddler. Could also be I've matured as an adult and have more patience.... lol jk.