Second trimester thoughts

I'm nearing the tail end of the second trimester. About two weeks ago I started getting comments that I "popped" - in other words what I've been thinking about feeling huge is confirmed by everyone around me. Last pregnancy I was in my regular clothes well into my third trimester, whereas this time I really can't wear anything not maternity anymore. The maternity clothes I do have are all for late August and it's still very cold and windy here so I had to buy some new stuff. I feel ok, just heavy and uncomfortable. I try to get up and walk often during the day because I get stiff if I'm in one position too long. 

It's a holiday weekend and it seems like everyone is traveling. It makes it feel like spring is just around the corner although I do admit there's some jealousy. We've never been good at prioritizing travel even if it's something we enjoy. There was also rarely spare money for a trip and we'd save for a while before each one. It's not that I don't want to spend the money. It's that there is a finite number of dollars and I try to consider the ROI.  For example, a vacation will last a few days, but a backyard upgrade will serve us for several seasons. I worked too hard to dig out of debt and while I'm very much pro saving money to spend it on things that bring you joy, I doubt any vacation we take right now will be very satisfying considering all the limitations. I have a goal of a big trip and I'm saving up for that so at least it's something to look forward to. In the meantime, muting those instagram stories helps. 

I'm excited about our own version of adventures coming up. I pray everything goes smoothly and everyone comes home safe. It's different this time around because I have some idea of what to expect. It's also different this time because I'll have more to juggle. There are a few big things coming up before I can really lean in to the brain fog, like preparing for Pesach and a few big projects at work.

Not getting my tubes tied just yet but along the lines of wanting the freedom to travel, I think part of me is wanting to dissociate from the ttc stage of life. I've prioritized family building for the vast majority of the past decade. It feels normal to want to clear some space for something new.